16th December 2012 was a day that would always haunt India and I believed it would become a turning point in the women’s struggle against violence of all kinds. But alas, the day and Jyoti Singh Pandey were both forgotten sooner than I expected.I have shouted my heart out, blogged, re-blogged, tweeted, attended candle marches as well as peaceful protests, fought online and in real, trying to show logic to some but there is nothing much that has changed.
Victim blaming hasn’t stopped and neither have the incidents of rapes and molestation. Objectification of women touches new heights everyday. While women have armed themselves with a pepper spray, the perverts out there have armed themselves with the belief that women deserve to be violated. Keeping safety of women aside, our leaders suggest lowering the age of consensual sex, advocate child marriages, and go to the extent of dictating the right apparel for women.
Increasing number of rape incidents in the nation doesn’t really show that women are asking for it, or deserve to be raped. They only show that the number of perverts and mentally unstable men who are fit to be called animals are increasing. The number is alarming because we, as a nation have failed to acknowledge that it is wrong to blame a victim for a crime. We continue to attach social stigma to to sexual crimes, and hush it all out instead of reporting it. In the rare cases which are reported, women again suffer at the hands of policemen who constantly judge her while the rapists roam free and hunt new targets.
The problem really is a complex one. Unless we segregate the inherent issues and work on them independently, we won’t be reaching the solution of the complex equation that it is. Divide and rule is an old policy but it is still relevant. The problem of increasing number of sexual crimes against women can be divided into many smaller problems which are really the core of Indian society. The treatment of women in general is the root cause.
Think of a boy, who grows up seeing his mother and sister being treated as door-mats by his father and his side of the family. Now this boy would inherit the belief that it is the way to treat women. Children learn from example and the kind of example the father is setting in this case isn’t a pleasant one. If he grows up watching his father ogling at women and coming back home drunk, to beat his mother, this is what he would learn. He would also learn that it is okay to discriminate on the basis of gender when he is given a special princely treatment and his sister isn’t. He would also learn to treat his wife as a sex and baby vending machine. He would believe that it his right to treat women in a demeaning manner and no woman has the right to respect.
The solution to a complex problem is never really simple. We know where to start but we aren’t ready to accept it, as a society. Men and women who are representatives of patriarchy don’t seem to accept the fact that the system is age old and needs to be dumped. They are too attached to it since it is the system which is a source of immense power. They can go around fulfilling all their whims and fancies and blame it to traditions, culture and values. Unless, India accepts the need to change its patriarchal ways which are heavily skewed on the basis of gender, nothing is going to change. What irks me the most is that women don’t stand up for other women. They are either partners in crime or mute spectators. A woman convinces her son to get rid of his unborn girl child. A woman beats and mentally tortures another woman for dowry. A woman silently sees the trauma another woman goes through and doesn’t even try to help her. A woman treats her son like a prince and her daughter like a doormat.Respect for women can’t be enforced into a generation. It can only be taught, and that too by example. A nation which respects women and treats them as equal citizens would undoubtedly be safe for women too. It is only the mindset of people that really needs to change. Everything else, will follow.
The day patriarchy is white washed from the face of the nation would be the day when this independence struggle of women would bear fruit. And this time, women won’t be penalized for having the forbidden fruit.
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| Patriarchy, Surrender or Die |
This post is an entry for ISB IDiya forIndichange contest
http://www.isb.edu/idiya/
Picture Credit – Google Images
Loved the intensity Akanksha! May the spirit keep flaring and lighting all other sparks around!
Best wishes,
Priyanka
Cheers to intensity and insanity of believing it ,then! Together, we will make it happen. Even if we don't live to see a drastic change, we are doing our part and that is what would give us satisfaction at the end.
Really appreciate your consistent and determined efforts. You are certainly doing your part in instigating the much needed change in society. Keep going!!
Thanks a lot Aarthy. This is the least I can do as a woman who wants to see the change happen.
The passion that you have written with is motivating… Well done!
Thank you Amruta. I know it would take a long time for the change to materialize, but if I am able to motivate one person, I'll be happy.
As you pointed out, it is as much a mindset problem of women as men. If only every woman would stand up for another woman in society and in her home, we'd see life for women improving drastically. Yes crime is one angle of it. But dignity of life, freedom to do what one chooses, and respect are also important. Another issue is that along with rights come responsibilities. I hope we are able to shoulder our responsibilities as able citizens of our country as well.
I too hope so. Hi-Five to womanhood and taking collective responsibility to change what we see un-fit.
absolutely correct. The mindset needs to be changed. Once the thinking is improved so will be the lifestyle and all other things needed to eradicate the issue.
I just wish I live to see the change.
a range of issues has been addressed here……and as you rightly said there are no clear solutions…… we have to start by changing mindsets thats for sure 🙂
http://www.myunfinishedlife.com/2
Yes. There are no short-cuts. We have a long way to go
All your suggestions are bang on target.Those who fear losing their fiefdom will not join this crusade–naturally!
But at least women ought to strive to correct this skewed balance.They can start by bringing up their children with the right values.
Exactly! Women can also start with saying No to unequal treatment and then inculcate the same values in their children.
I have written a similar post on this where women are mute spectators or active participants against other women. I feel that till the time women don't realise that we need to stand up for each other things are never going to change.
I am glad to see that you have been voicing your opinion so strongly on behalf of all of us.
Yes, That would be one big step towards success if women understand that they're equally responsible. This isn't a war of genders but a war of independence of women, as I call it.
Glad to know that you liked it 🙂
well, i believe the more we say no to a particular thing, the more it emerges and stays .. because we create that energy for it to stay..
ask for what you want an not what you dont want .. ask and think for freedom and equality and respect for women and that's how the world will respond .. if you ask for patriarchy to end, the world will give you more and more of patriarchy …!
Well, that reminded me of the book 'The Secret' :)! I'll write something on the lines soon! Thanks for the inspiration.
Bravo! Bravo! That stringent set of comments about how far some women too can be responsible for keeping patriarchy and its worst manifestations in place is worthy of sterling praise!
Women are equally responsible. This isn't a war of genders as you said aptly, the other day. Women are equal culprits in keeping the roots of patriarchy strengthened over time. Sometimes I feel they are the real culprits coz they never stood up for their own rights. Even God helps those who help themselves, right?
Our whole society is standing on the pillars of patriarchy. It will not be an easy change. The pillars have to be broken one by one. It will take time but we have started hammering.
I completely agree. Slowly, but surely one day those pillars would crumble down.
Exactly…its not that we are asking for it but just the ever growing rate oof perverts in our society
Loved the rudeness yet the stark truth behind this post!!
Thanks dear. I couldn't have found any other way to say it. Glad you liked it. 🙂
Even those who think that they have an equal eye for both girls and boys, think it is legitimate for girls' parents to give gifts to extended family of boy, donate girl to boy's family (kanyadaan….)…they say both are equal for them but do not have courage to do away with these rituals…
Yes, I agree. They see it as 'perfectly normal' and not gender bias when they do such things. We have a long way to go…
Truly I feel helpless sometimes…many a times I have to be part of such celebrations…I wonder what is the use of passing anti dowry bill in parliament after a marathon debate, while in reality no one is ever caught and jailed unless the bride is burnt for dowry….shagun ceremonies are just a 'show' of giving and taking of dowry in the name of rituals…but never heard of any raid over them…
I totally agree. 🙁 But, things are changing slowly. We can't lose hope dear. We have to fight until it all straightens out. We should start by taking small steps, within our own homes.
Well penned Akanksha! This problem does not seem to be getting solved for so many reasons you highlighted ! Best of luck for the contest!
Thanks a lot. Are you coming for the Indi meet on 14th? Would love to see you there 🙂
I am perturbed too at the rising number of crimes… The incidents are increasing day by day and all laws have failed to curb the actions of the human turned animals.. Strict laws and their implementation are needed…
The change of mindset is a long journey but this has to be achieved .. a woman may excel at anything but at the end of the day, she is expected to look after her husband, family, and bear children. The concept is really nice that the woman is the backbone of the family but again the perception of people remains unchanged. They expect everything from her she is meant to stay indoors, she is meant to follow all customs and traditions and she is judged for her actions, her choice of dresses etc… the change has to come from the family..
Sigh.
I totally agree that the change has to begin from the grassroot level.
I really appreciate the intensity and rage in this article and just hope that every true Indian males reads it…unless u will respect the women in your house , how can you expect this from others..
Akanksha, your work is really appreciable……i guess bloggers like you are the next eye openers after media .
just keep up the spirit and fire in you…….change is just a mile away to come……all the best
yes I agree… very nice blog….. and very apparently written the fact how 16th Dec has been forgotten.. it's the politicians who make an issue big or small for their own interests….
Prachi Agrawal
@Prachi, I've decided not to forget it and will keep writing about it. That is the least I can do…
Thanks a lot. So glad you read. 🙂 How have you been , dear? Long time, we should catch up sometime.