I might be thousands of miles away from India, in a country which is presumably safe for women but I don’t feel protected. I take a bus to work everyday, and men don’t take advantage of lack of space and pinch me at inappropriate places. I walk back from work and I don’t feel pairs of eyes piercing through my clothes as I pass by a lonely patch. I take a cab when it gets late and I am not afraid that the cab driver would take me to a junkyard and rape me.
But, even though it is ‘safe’, the sense of safety isn’t there yet because, I know that women in India aren’t. I even feel guilty at times for having something which women in India can’t even dream of. There is a voice which always asks me what have I done to deserve this luxury and I don’t have an answer to shut it up. It refuses to die down and I live with a constant reminder of the ‘khatrey ki ghanti’ topped up with excessive guilt.
Not long back, I hadn’t known that it was possible to be out the whole day and not be reminded of being a woman who is unsafe. Getting used to stares and remarks was the only way of life I knew, as an Indian woman. A pepper spray in my purse also couldn’t make me feel safe even during the day. But, then I saw a different world which is too good to be true. If only I could make Indian women feel respected and safe. If only I could give them a taste of safety, I would be able to enjoy my own. The guilt just refuses to go…
Guilty I am, of being safe but I now know nothing is going to change, ever. A thousand protests, a dead Jyoti-Singh-Pandey and many accusations for provoking men to rape later, things are just the same. Women are unsafe as ever and our learned politicians still prefer to preach banning girls to use cellphones and wearing denims. Are we a country governed by assholes who refuse to understand simple logic? Or they are just interested in vote-bank politics and pass these remarks to lure a certain sector of khap-societies?
I only came to know about the Barasat incident today and was shocked to see the papers not having a follow-up story. The national dailies are more interested in Modi and Advani than a college student who was brutally raped and murdered. Afterall what happens with BJP is a matter of national importance and who really cares about a small town girl?
One thing, I have clearly understood is that we, as a society will never change. We will keep blaming the victim, we will keep protecting the culprits. It is a part of our rich culture and imbibed in our hearts. We will keep forgetting about the likes of Jyoti Singh Pandey and the young college girl from Barasat because we are best at forgetting and worst at confronting. Protests or not, rapists would continue to roam around freely and ruin lives.
I, as an Indian woman have given up on hope. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, because hope refuses to die in most of the cases. But, not in this one. Every advertisement objectifying a woman, every Munni-Shiela number, every rape, every statement by a politician blaming the victim, every gender discrimination has made sure that this hope rests, but not in peace.
Shared on facebook. Thanks for this post! Would love to read more of your reactions to the way women live there and here. Hugs.
Thanks for sharing! I was so shocked to know about the incident and it hurt so much. Can't imagine the plight of the girl or her family. 🙁
These reactions would come along, there is a lot that I have observed in a month and hopefully, would be posting soon. How are you doing? Hope the little princess is enjoying Delhi summers. 🙂
Hugs.
Akanksha
Sometimes when we enjoy certain luxuries, it becomes easy for us to forget how those without them live. I guess I also became one of them, becoming complacent and forgetting that some people have to work very hard to come even close. Thanks for making me realize it 🙂
Well yes, when luxuries are luxuries, it is, maybe acceptable. When safety is a luxury, like in case of India, there is no choice but to feel the way I feel.
Anyways, how are you? Hope you're having a good time! Take care…see you 🙂
And there is your point right there. “Safety is a luxury” where as you would expect that in a so called 'conservative' Indian culture it would be a default.
Im good dear. Just that I have turned off my FB for the foreseeable future so maybe we connect in some alternate manner. Hows ur onsight work n all?
Its only after we get out of the cloistered unsafe environs of India that we realize what we are missing. Thats when it hits us that this is not the way we are supposed to live – Always in fear !
You're right Ruch. 'Always in fear' is what we are living like. And it is not right. Something is inherently wrong with our country and the fact that we are not ready to accept this failure and keep on glorifying a rape culture hurts me most 🙁
Such a heart felt post Akanksha. I could feel your anxiety and helplessness with each word.
I think this guilt is a good thing in a way because it will never allow us to only enjoy our rights, but always remind us our duty to make this world a better way, whichever way possible!
Dont loose hope. We have a come a long way since Independence. The change is brimming and frothing just under the surface. It will rise soon 🙂
Thanks Ghata, for those wonderful words of hope. It was in a moment of weakness that I wrote that there is no hope. I know I can't give up and I know we all can't. Thanks for the reminder!
Reading about your experience there-it is so refreshing to think of such a society.
The contrast here is grave.Age old stereotypes will take time to go.
The contrast is like living in the ideal world which is non existent as far as India is concerned. I hope we're able to bridge the gap someday. We all would be so proud, if someday we can emerge as a society which does not support rape culture.
How do you think that the society you are living in now has changed? Do you think it was always like that? Where you are living now was once as bad as India is today, and they changed, because they kept trying, and because the women living here didnt say that their society will not change. They kept trying. Getting equal rights is a long struggle, and you have to be willing to fight, rather than feel guilty. Channel this guilt to fight and do whatever you can, even if it is little. Only then will things get better.
In a moment of weakness, I lost hope. But it returned back to me in a while. Gender equality is a far far cry, right now it is just a human right that Indian women are fighting for – the right to live and not get raped and murdered.
A college student was raped by four people and to remove evidence they tore her from her legs by spreading her out. Is this the way to live? They are worse than animals. I am sure a hundred politicians would have come defending those bastards by blaming the victim of going alone to college. The nation has become sick and unless these beasts are hung to death, and an example is set- not much is going to change. We all had huge hopes of a change after the horrific December incident, but I am so sad that not even a single change is visible- in peple, in politicians, in society.
But, I will not give up this fight. Never. Thanks for the reminder dear.
This is sad indeed :\
🙁
Somehow I don't feel the guilt because I know that men are the same everywhere. I know that I too can wear what I want and go the whole day without being groped here, and I also stay in a safe environment where most of the people are decent human beings. But, it is not that rape on college campuses don't occur here (US); it is not that victim-blaming does not go on (in a much publicized case, the victim committed suicide because she was repeatedly called a slut); and it's not that politicians here are not trying to take away women's rights. We have a lot of work to do; but the sad thing is for every step forward, we seem to be moving five steps back.
Well, men might be the same everywhere but at least they are afraid to show animalistic instincts everywhere else in the world. In India, they are proud to be animals and consider a woman their prey. 🙁 I know that the ideal world does not exist, but I feel it is far far better than back home. We can't achieve gender equality overnight, but I hope we're moving in the right direction. I just want all the rapes to stop, if only I had a magic wand to make it happen. Sigh.
I feeel guilty being safe. I really do.:( Things I now take for granted were the deciding factors while in India. Something is utterly wrong with the way we live there. And it needs to change
First of all, welcome back. Hopefully, this is the start to more regular blogging.
I am afraid we have now settled in the unfortunate reality that we as a nation are destined for mediocrity, inequality, poverty and injustice.
I hope it is! Learning to squeeze out time for things and people I love!:)
I totally agree with you on that. We, as a nation have settled with being sick. We refuse to accept something is wrong. 🙁
Totally agree with you. This is something that i have been thinking everyday for the past four days. I feel more safe and protected even in South Africa than in India. I just love these people for their respect towards women. I feel happy working in an office where no one judges me for my clothes. It is sad that, as a woman, i feel terribly safe in a country which is not safe in terms of normal security. But being the optimist i am, i could never stop hoping for the good. I just hope, our people turn more humane from the monsters they are inside.
I tried leaving behind a comment last day while surfing from office…But my phone decided to play spoil sport…Anyways…I strongly feel , its time we commoners should stop relying on the Administration to stop this plague. Instead we should drag these hooligans out in the open and chop them to death. Probably kick their nuts so hard that , they find it hard to even pee for the rest of their sorry lives….Afgan Rule is what we need….Barbarism is the solution.
Once upon a time, UK was as bad as India as far as women rights go and till date they have the lowest conviction rate for rapes. We have to keep fighting. There is no other way.