I am a non-conformist. Have always been one. It’s not an equal world and I am not going to conform to traditions or rules or the culture I don’t believe in. Not until I get what is my equal share as a citizen of India. Being a woman is a tough job in this country and today, I will bare my heart out on why I am proud of India but not proud of what is being propagated in the name of Indian Culture. Not until the nation starts behaving and gives me my due share.
Before moving any further, lets get to the dictionary meaning of these heavy words which are so elusive to me. Tradition is the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or facts being passed on in this way. And culture? It is the ideas, customs, and social behaviour of people or society.
So, going by that, I guess killing unborn baby girls is our culture and we continue to pass on that tradition. I am not proud of this. How can anyone be?
A woman gives birth to a beautiful baby girl. She is still in pain, hasn’t even come home from the hospital yet and her mom-in-law drops a hint to plan another baby, with a clear expectation of a boy next time. I am not proud of the Indian culture which does this to it’s women. That’s not a culture anyone should be proud of, by the way.
Two adults fall in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together. But all hell breaks lose because they are from different castes/religions. And this is just the beginning. If they go ahead and get married in-spite of opposition, they’ll be doing it by going against Indian culture which gives their parents the right to decide who they marry. There might be an honour killing, threats of various magnitude, physical injury among other possible outcomes if the couple doesn’t conform to Indian culture. And if they do, they lead a sad little life, trying to forget someone who they once loved. I don’t know why there are so many takers for this kind of Indian culture. Isn’t the aim of actually having a tradition is to propagate good things? Where is the good in this?
Women are raped everyday and are held responsible for the crime when they are really the victims. Mostly because they were not conforming to Indian cultural values. Either they were out too late in the night, were drunk, were dressed ‘inappropriately’ or faking it to take a revenge from a boyfriend who refused to marry them. While men will be men and men can make mistakes, no big deal. So, Indian culture can go down the drain, I don’t really care. Not until women are given equal respect and men learn to keep it in their pants. O course, not all men are bastards, but then not all women are traditional.
She finally met the man she wanted to marry. Convinced her parents that he’s the one. The wedding happens. A couple of days later, they ask her to transfer all her savings into the father-in-law’s account. Then, they want a shiny new car. A few days later, it’s a gold chain that her mother in law taunts her for. Apparently, it is a light one, didn’t her parents have any sense at all? She is an intelligent, smart, working girl but her salary account is not hers anymore. The password has been changed and debit card taken away. She’s given a pocket money from her own salary. Indian Culture? To subdue women at any cost? Because whatever she earns is anyway for the family. Family comes first. Money brings in differences,so why not take it all away from her. Yes,right! Dowry ? There’s noting Indian about dowry, is it? Did we get it from Pakistan? I don’t know. But, it’s a tradition we are following. Selling our sons.
A woman being reduced to her marital status is also Indian Culture, by the way. And then, forcing her to wear things she might not want to – for the sake of culture, tradition, respect and all that bullshit. May I add that it’s the worse torture you can do to an individual- to dictate what she can and cannot wear. It’s scary how women treat other women in the name of Indian culture by being a catalyst to this. Until the control of what a woman can wear stays with another individual, I can’t conform to Indian culture. Not my cup of tea.
I can go on and on and on and list a thousand more things why I am not proud of Indian culture. While there are many great things as well,which come to me because I am Indian, I can’t be selective in acceptance. I accept the good things as well as the black ones. All the above points are also a part of my culture, the things I hate and will never conform to. Being proud of Indian Culture is out of question, until we harbour these sick traditions which defy the ultimate purpose of life- to live and let live. In peace.
I am aware that this is not a post many of you would like to openly agree to. I know that in your own way, you don’t conform to these black facets of Indian culture. But, I’ve been silent too long, patient too long. I want to say it out loud. Because it’s okay to accept if something is wrong with us. What is not okay is to ignore it and believe that everything is fine. Because, it’s not fine. Really.
Very aptly written Akanksha! Being in abroad, having ready access to comparable subjects and situations, I am constantly amazed at how much I myself have seen and ignored thinking them normal when I was in India and knew only that!
It is a world of hypocrisy, on one side they boast about the Indian culture but they tend to ignore how deeply the women are hurt because of this very talked about culture. I agree to every word that you have said. While there would be people with different opinions but you definitely have my thumbs up on this.
Well said Akanksha, I am a witness of love marriage but thankfully all set in my case. But I know it took 2 years to convince families.
So I can say things are changing but complete change will take time.
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I am a proud Indian but there are so many things that I oppose. Makes me wonder how we take pride like imbeciles exploiting women, making her toe the line or remote controlling sons. In my own family, kins make religion their everything, as if it will replace achievement. The fact is that we use religion as a tool to exploit and little do we realize how brainless we are. We are hypocrites. The worst lots are NRI and People of Indian Origins settled in various part of the world, holding on to dogged and dark beliefs.
You wrote your heart out ; and whatever you said is quite true but the World Survives on Hope to reform and change. All people are not the same.