What if Delhi was an island? What if we had beaches around us? Given my love for the ocean, I can’t help but wonder. In my dreams, Delhi can sure have beaches. And in reality, I am (almost) thankful that it is the other way round because beaches would have entirely disrupted the way Delhi (peacefully) conducts its day to day affairs.
Dil-wale of saddi Dilli would have fought left, right and center for private beaches, just like they fight for parking spaces. It would have turned ugly. A ‘disputed’ beach would have become a dumping ground of household waste. Also, aunty-jees would have loved to litter their neighbor’s slot with yesterday’s left-over aalu-gobhi.
Beach-side weddings would have been a real big hit. DJs playing ” O ho ho ho- o ho ho ho- ishq tera tadpave” during these weddings would create worse effect on the youth than chowmein has ever been able to do. Not to forget, high tide from the sea could add to the enigma.
Aunty-jees loaded with kilos of imitation jewellery, flaunting it as gold or diamond would have had a little difficulty walking on the shores with their new sarees from Meena-Bazar. But they would have adapted themselves and ordered their husbands to bring the ‘gaddis’ right into the wedding tents. Since, a gaddi is the cause of almost 65% of the fights in Dilli, four-five fights per wedding is inevitable. Whatever happened to love.
Delhi has more road-side romeos per square meter than any other place in the world. Beaches would mean that those aashiq-aavaras would finally leave the city alone and their entire population would dwell on the sea-side, for reasons I better not elaborate. That could be seen as a blessing in disguise, for the city would be safe but our beaches would be haunted and soon be named as rapist.
Water-Sports mafia would have emerged in no time. As if we don’t have enough already. The least we want is another set of goons fighting it all out. Sigh.
Delhi University would have re-organized itself and constructed a new ‘Beach-Campus’. Admissions to any course in any college here would require ‘at-least’ a 100% marks and finally North Campus would lose its reign. Fests would happen round the year, dresses would become even shorter and there would be an upcoming ‘K-Nags’ Extension nearby. Yet, no student would attend any class scheduled before 12 and calling people ‘chinki’ would still be banned.
Public transport would include buses, metro, autos and boats. Now, women of Delhi would have to try and not provoke men in boats as well. Considering the fact that a potential molester or an eve-teaser can not be thrown out of a boat, it is an added responsibility on women to not to provoke men while in a boat.
Given the lust for food that we have, our beaches would smell more like tandoori-chicken, rajma-chaval or choley bhaturey rather than of sea or the sand.
Our elite politicians would have had sea-side rallies. Old, balding, kurta-payjama clad men could enjoy a tryst with nature while giving bhashans which are not always bio-degradable. As much as the idea would have suited them, it would have become a cause of concern for the public as the sea would not be open for all during these times and a warning of ‘Enter at your own risk’ issued by the government would have solved no purpose other than reminding us that we chose the wrong people, yet again.
Our elite politicians would have had sea-side rallies. Old, balding, kurta-payjama clad men could enjoy a tryst with nature while giving bhashans which are not always bio-degradable. As much as the idea would have suited them, it would have become a cause of concern for the public as the sea would not be open for all during these times and a warning of ‘Enter at your own risk’ issued by the government would have solved no purpose other than reminding us that we chose the wrong people, yet again.
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| If-Only! |
So, as much as I love beaches, I guess Delhi is better off without having an ocean in vicinity. So, for the good of the city in general, I give up on my dreams for a harsh reality. No reading romantic books while lying in a hammock by the sea-side, and sipping coconut water as I turn pages. But, an unsafe, over-crowded city where people remember their mothers and sisters for slightest of reasons and shout out loud.
P.S.
Delhi, I still love you.
Picture Credit – Google Images.
